How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
