What did we do last night that was yellow?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
