I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
