Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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