Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
