I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
