she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
