We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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