And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
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Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
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I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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