I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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