I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
