I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Randomize
