wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
