last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
