So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
