Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Swine flu. Run for my life!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
