Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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