Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
