I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
