So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
