you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
