Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
