im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
