He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
