I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
wow bdsm is so cute
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
