Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
