I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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