my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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