it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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