Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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