Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
