Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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