There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
