I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Randomize
