Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
