pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I forgot how hot balto sounded
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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