Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
