woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
