no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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