I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
