His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
