i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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