I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Randomize
