We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
