I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
