He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
