trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
