I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
