So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
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Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
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I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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