This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
MIDGETS
????
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
