More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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