Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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