My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
