I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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