My brain says no but my pants say off.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
