Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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