Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
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drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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