I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
