She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
