Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
