I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
