Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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