I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize