He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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