I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
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