KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
