Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
