i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
