I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
