I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Houston, we have a squirter
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
