Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
